The Shell Has Been Broken

So I haven't mentioned it on here yet, but back in July I had the opportunity to change my relationship status on Stalkbook from "Single" to "In a Relationship" (the only reason I didn't was because I couldn't be bothered and my new girlfriend didn't want to straight away). Anyways, it's been am interesting few months. We hit the 3 month mark just over a week ago. Before meeting my GF, I was a very closed person. I kept a lot to myself. It was my way of dealing with problems. Bottling them up. I know people say that it isnt healthy, but I think when they say that, they're referring to how too many small issues build up and take over the way you think, leaving you depressed, or an alco, or both. I don't have that problem. I dealt with it quite easily. Well practised you might say.

But today I discovered something that a side effect from it that is unhealthy. I don't show my emotions a lot. The important stuff. I keep how I'm feeling hidden from most people (I don't do angry for instance - I think it's an ugly look). But that extends to other emtions too. Sure, I don't have a monotonous face like Kristen Stewart (that chick from Twighlight). I show when I'm happy, or frustrated, or have just stubbed my toe on the pavement freely. Its the big stuff that doesn't come through. This wasn't a problem until recently.

Since I've been dating my GF, we've had the struggle of dealing with my working away lifestyle, which whilst difficult isn't too much of a problem. But when it came to me showing or telling my GF how I felt about us and where we were going, I'm much more of a closed book. She on one hand is very open about it. Always questions what I mean when I say something that she doesn't understand or interprets differently. Me on the other hand have always been more of a "go with the flow" kinda guy. Good for holidays and work, but not so good when trying to build a relationship that will stand the test of time. Today it came to a header. After a long discussion last night failed to get across what we wanted from each other, this morning it all came out. Those 3 words that mean so much. I'd not wanted to say it too soon, and was questioning whether thats what I had been feeling. But it wasn't until all the pressure to show something emotional became too much to bear, that it all came out. I knew what I wanted, but hadn't admitted it to myself. But I tell you what...It felt good! To get it all out in the open. To be able to say it.

I Love You

And I meant it too. As did she. Hopefully now it'll get easier. Having had my emotional shell broken open and exposed raw, there should be less trouble determining what we want for our future. Yes, it's a lot to happen in 3 months of dating I know, but lets just say that there are a few details about myself and my GF that you don't know, and won't know, that mean I can take comfort in where we're at as a couple. Our future looks bright, far brighter than it did this time yesterday. I'm sure that we'll hit more snags yet, as all couples do, but for now, we're both happy and content that we have each others best itnerests at heart and look forward to a great future together.

It just goes to show, that sometimes being a closed book or a bottler, can be unhealthy in many different ways. I wasn't at risk of depression or becoming a drug addled zombie from the normal daily pressures of life, but when it comes to relationships, it's always better to be open that closed. Because if your partner can't tell what your thinking or how your feeling, they begin to question things. And that leads to other things, which lets face it, becomes a big can of worms that just gets worse and worse. Be open people. Show your emotions to those that you Love and let them share your burdens and pains, as well as the joys in your life. Ultimately, everyone will benefit from it.

That Useless Feeling...

I'm sure you would have had this feeling at some point in time throughout your life, just as I have had. It could be anything. From not being able to help someone who is injured or ill, to having a chance to help but not knowing how to.Or in my case, knowing deep down that something should be done differently, but having no chance at influencing the outcome. At the moment, I mainly get this feeling when the national news is on. It's quite easy to predict what the top story will be each night. The first sentence will generally contain the names "Julia" or "Tony" or the words "Malaysia", "Nauru", "Boats", "Failed" or "Assylum Seekers". Yes, I'm referring to the seemingly unending debate about where to send Assylum Seekers that arrive in Australia illegally between the Liberal and Labor parties. 

I'll (try) keep my thoughts short here, because I know how annoyed people are that this topic is still in our headlines constantly (or even at all!). I personally think that the current debate is the wrong. Both economically and morally. I'm a firm believer that the people fleeing here by boat (in my view, not an illegal method as they typically have very few genuine options to actually seek asylum - just extremely dangerous) should be given every oportunity to settle here should they prove to be in genuine need of our help. 

And that last bit is what gets me most. Our Help. We are more than just the lucky country. We are one of the safest, most ecenomically sound and beautiful countries on this troubled planet. We have the ability to help people who are less fortunate than ourselves. I reckon we should process boat people here, in Australia. Yes, my way most likely won't stop the boats. Which I'm fine with. These people are coming from countries where they're more willing to gamble with their life on the open seas in little more than old, leaky fishing boats as opposed to horrors and dangers of their own country. Anyone willing to take that gamble should be given the opportunity to be processed humanely and efficeintly (not over a 10-20 year period like in Malaysia) with the ultimate prize being resettlement here. 

Many citizens today are prime examples of what can come from people seeking our help and being given a fair go. They're more likely to embrace our culture than normal immigrants because they've worked so hard to get here, and continue to work hard once here (moreso than a lot of people on the dole!). And it's not like we can't afford to help them in this situation. We might not be able to fix the problems in their country, but we can offer hope and a home to those willing to seek out help. 

Also, I'm a lot more confident in our processing measures than those in other countries where bribing is far more common. I feel it is a more secure method of determining that the people who are given the final green light to stay, have Australia, and it's peoples best intentions at heart and will make their best efforts to fit in with our community. 

I know it's an overused (and cliched) phrase, but just think about it for a minute, how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot.....

Motivation Lacks

So I think I can safely say, I failed. Motivation just doesn't stick around long enough for me to keep up an exercise regime. I got a bit sick at one point so stopped and then Easter rolled around and it would be sacrilegious to chocolate lovers everywhere to exercise too much through the holidays. Anyways, I did weigh myself yesterday and I haven't lost weight but haven't gained it either so still pretty happy with myself.

On a different note, I'll be starting a seperate blog soon for the progress of the house build I've embarked on.

Ciao

Fitness Update!

Quick update on the attempts to get fit! The day after my last entry, I was chatting with the folks in the office and another 1 or 2 of them have joined in and now I'm doing Dips and Squats on the alternate days. Not doing too bad so far, albiet I'm only up to Day 2 so far!

Laterz

Time to get Fit ... Again!

So it turns out I'm not as disiplined as I'd thought. I got to Day 2 of the push up challenge, and 2 weeks later I was still at Day 2. However, back at work and someone (or a few people actually) asked how I was going with my pushups (See above for the answer). And one of our admin girls said she'd join in and do it at the same time. That night we did the Inital Test again, both coming up with 10 Push-Ups each.

So it's set. Doing the 2nd level starting at the same time, hopefully we'll spur each other on to keep up with the regime, and she's taken it a step further and said she'll do the Sit-Ups and Squats. Not to be out done, so will I. So today I've started up again at Day 1, albiet on the 2nd level this time so hopefully I'll push myself a bit harder this time. Really want to get through it. Mainly to get fit, but also, can't be seen getting out-done by a girl can I! Not that that worries me too much to be honest. Plenty of things to blame my inability to continue with the program (damn fortnightly roster) but alas, there is determination there now that I think I lacked before.

Also, I've always thought that it was easier to do exersice with other people, as a social event. Always found it boring doing it by myself. Hopefully I'll prove myself right.

Time to get Fit!

So 2 days ago I decided to start an exercise regime. You might have heard of it. It's called the One-hundred Pushups Challenge. 

Instead of just sitting in my Donga at night after work, thinking about getting fit, I've decided to do something about it. I don't have the motivation to go to the company provided gym (laptop & TV is far more interesting), and I remembered a mate mentioning this quite a while ago. I'm skeptical as to how well it works, but will hold judgement until either 1 of 2 things happens.

1 - I finish it and succeed (or fail - that too will influence my skepticism), or;

2 - I get bored/distracted/can't be bothered and don't finish it, in which case I'll have to give it the benefit of the doubt. 

Anyway, I hope it's the first half of option 1 that turns out to be the ultimate outcome. I've linked my Facebook account with the special "Logger" page so I can embarrass myself publicly over there and hopefully spur myself on to be able to stop (or reduce) the embarrassment! 

Wish me Luck!

A Builders Rant

A rant from someone complaining about their builder taking 26 weeks to finish kitchen cupboards in their new home;

After builder promises cabinets in 5 weeks ( prior to easter ) and no cabinets after 12 weeks, they offer a free upgrade to granite benchtop in Kitchen so now the granite must come from the longest reaches of tibet and only mined by virgins and carried by squirell down the ande's in silk bags from the mystic regions of the Amazon , then ground down by epilectic amazon valkyries in an insane asylym in guatalumpor, then refined in Chernoble to withstand temperatures equal to that on surface of Mercury. The combined result is then glued together by some 14 year old halfwit and put together in the carpark at the Vic Park shopping centre. Then builder chain hoists our house including the slab and footings , slab is laser cut from below to fit the exact match of the bench and the team that handles the crown jewels are flown over from the Louve to fit the house back in place with our sparkling kitchen cabinets and granite benchtops.

You can pay per view to see this spectacle sometime in 2012 at , Gonecompletelyinsanecosbuilderisrubbish.com.

Gold! Just gold.