So I haven't mentioned it on here yet, but back in July I had the opportunity to change my relationship status on Stalkbook from "Single" to "In a Relationship" (the only reason I didn't was because I couldn't be bothered and my new girlfriend didn't want to straight away). Anyways, it's been am interesting few months. We hit the 3 month mark just over a week ago. Before meeting my GF, I was a very closed person. I kept a lot to myself. It was my way of dealing with problems. Bottling them up. I know people say that it isnt healthy, but I think when they say that, they're referring to how too many small issues build up and take over the way you think, leaving you depressed, or an alco, or both. I don't have that problem. I dealt with it quite easily. Well practised you might say.
But today I discovered something that a side effect from it that is unhealthy. I don't show my emotions a lot. The important stuff. I keep how I'm feeling hidden from most people (I don't do angry for instance - I think it's an ugly look). But that extends to other emtions too. Sure, I don't have a monotonous face like Kristen Stewart (that chick from Twighlight). I show when I'm happy, or frustrated, or have just stubbed my toe on the pavement freely. Its the big stuff that doesn't come through. This wasn't a problem until recently.
Since I've been dating my GF, we've had the struggle of dealing with my working away lifestyle, which whilst difficult isn't too much of a problem. But when it came to me showing or telling my GF how I felt about us and where we were going, I'm much more of a closed book. She on one hand is very open about it. Always questions what I mean when I say something that she doesn't understand or interprets differently. Me on the other hand have always been more of a "go with the flow" kinda guy. Good for holidays and work, but not so good when trying to build a relationship that will stand the test of time. Today it came to a header. After a long discussion last night failed to get across what we wanted from each other, this morning it all came out. Those 3 words that mean so much. I'd not wanted to say it too soon, and was questioning whether thats what I had been feeling. But it wasn't until all the pressure to show something emotional became too much to bear, that it all came out. I knew what I wanted, but hadn't admitted it to myself. But I tell you what...It felt good! To get it all out in the open. To be able to say it.
I Love You
And I meant it too. As did she. Hopefully now it'll get easier. Having had my emotional shell broken open and exposed raw, there should be less trouble determining what we want for our future. Yes, it's a lot to happen in 3 months of dating I know, but lets just say that there are a few details about myself and my GF that you don't know, and won't know, that mean I can take comfort in where we're at as a couple. Our future looks bright, far brighter than it did this time yesterday. I'm sure that we'll hit more snags yet, as all couples do, but for now, we're both happy and content that we have each others best itnerests at heart and look forward to a great future together.
It just goes to show, that sometimes being a closed book or a bottler, can be unhealthy in many different ways. I wasn't at risk of depression or becoming a drug addled zombie from the normal daily pressures of life, but when it comes to relationships, it's always better to be open that closed. Because if your partner can't tell what your thinking or how your feeling, they begin to question things. And that leads to other things, which lets face it, becomes a big can of worms that just gets worse and worse. Be open people. Show your emotions to those that you Love and let them share your burdens and pains, as well as the joys in your life. Ultimately, everyone will benefit from it.
